Arrows in the Making (AIM)
We may not be perfect, but our prayer and aspiration is to empower and inspire Christian families to sharpen, target, and launch themselves, their children, and future generations—along with a sprinkle of fun for good measure!
Christ serves as the ultimate role model for living boldly and courageously in faith. You are not alone in your desire to nurture your family in the faith and to raise your children in a countercultural way!
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2, ESV
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." Psalms 127:3-6, ESV
Arrows in the Making (AIM)
18. From Career to Home: A Mother's Transition
What happens when a career-driven professional with a love for measurable achievements and quiet office space suddenly transitions to homeschooling four children? After years of planning, Caitlin found herself making this dramatic life change in just six days when her husband landed a new position. Now, one year into her journey, she's opening up about the beautiful and brutal realities that no one warned her about.
The stark contrast between professional and home life hit immediately. At work, Caitlin could close an office door, complete projects with tangible results, and receive affirmation for jobs well done. At home, she discovered the endless cycle of dishes, the impossibility of bathroom privacy, and the challenge of teaching multiple grade levels while managing a curious toddler who puts shoes in the refrigerator.
Most profound has been the spiritual transformation. While career obstacles could often be solved through self-reliance, homeschooling has driven Caitlin to her knees in prayer, sometimes literally asking God to help her through the next hour. Scripture verses like John 3:30 ("He must increase, but I must decrease") and Galatians 6:9 ("Let us not grow weary of doing good") have become daily lifelines rather than Sunday platitudes.
This raw conversation strips away Instagram-perfect homeschooling illusions while still affirming the profound worth of the journey. As Caitlin candidly shares, "Any bad day at home is better than a good day at work." For parents considering homeschooling or those already in the trenches, this episode offers both validation for the struggles and encouragement for the path ahead. When children see not just our successes but how we handle our failures, we provide them with something far more valuable than a perfect homeschool day—we show them authentic faith in action.
Follow us on social media:
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100095048198434
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/arrowsinthemaking/?next=%2F
Email us questions, content suggestions and prayer requests at arrowsinthemakingministry@gmail.com
Be blessed!
Hello again.
Speaker 1:This is Cody and Caitlin with you and we're doing our AIM podcast. Caitlin just killed a bug, I think.
Speaker 2:No, I swallowed. Well, it went through my nose and I swallowed it.
Speaker 1:Fine.
Speaker 2:I'm kind of nervous I'm going to get some gross sickness because it was in the chicken pen.
Speaker 1:You'll survive.
Speaker 2:I feel like I need to write the date down. So when I have to go to the ER and they're like when did all this start? And I can say April 1st. Happy April Fool's Day.
Speaker 1:I'm glad that I'm not the dramatic one anymore. You're being your father right now, so today we want to talk about Caitlin transitioning home from her job. Caitlin transitioning home from her job and it really was a 180 with what she wanted and what we really haven't discussed. She just came home and shared this on her heart with me and we're going to go from there and we're going to talk about it. I'm really excited to hear Caitlin's perspective on this.
Speaker 2:Well, it wasn't a complete 180, because that was the plan all along.
Speaker 1:No, yes, no Us wanting to homeschool yes. I'm talking about when you came home and said hey honey, I know I've been career driven, I think I want to homeschool our kids. I don't think that was two years ago.
Speaker 2:That was two years before I came home.
Speaker 1:What I'm saying is that whole process was a 180. Yes, and then now we're at the end of the process, where you are home, yes, yeah. So I'm starting from the beginning, like every good story should.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm not starting that. You can go back and listen to whatever episode.
Speaker 1:that was Probably episode one or two, I think it was two, three, how we got to homeschooling, but anyway, or four or five anyway so maybe six this is specifically about me coming home and going to work, that kind of process so, just to recap, we decided to homeschool and we decided that it was best for me to initially come home, because we were at the time doing three kids in daycare and I was working my master's and my salary was basically offset by the cost of three kids a day here. And then we had a fourth kid and so we were losing money at that point. But so, yeah, then we hit a point where I was about to graduate, got the job. We talked about that, and then now the super easy part of you just coming home Right, super easy.
Speaker 1:Yes, because you interviewed well, you applied interviewed, got the job and started the job all within two weeks. Yeah, I, I thought was gonna be like an august thing that it turned out to be a can you start in six days thing.
Speaker 2:Yes, um, and so that was literally a 360, 180, I don't know whatever.
Speaker 1:Well, 360 puts you right back where you started so I I guess that's not right. I'm not the math person.
Speaker 2:I am actually pretty good you are.
Speaker 1:I tell the kids go ask mom, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Okay, and then that was like the end of December, like I was off for Christmas.
Speaker 1:Your first time, yeah, and you were super excited.
Speaker 2:No, I had done HR.
Speaker 1:No, like hey, you were home for the holidays.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, like for us to be both off together. Yes, um, so I took like two weeks almost off for christmas and new years, um, and so when I came back from that break, I think my boss pretty much knew when she walked in, because I was like, hey, we need to talk.
Speaker 1:And she knew this was the plan, because you were like hey, cody might be interviewing, and then it's like, hey, we need to talk. No, I didn't tell her about it, oh really, but they knew. Eventually that was the end.
Speaker 2:But she I mean me and her are also very good friends.
Speaker 1:And so she had an idea.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and she's, you know, spoke a lot of true words to me and um she was supportive of the whole thing.
Speaker 2:She was really happy for you conversations with her um and other co-workers. But anyway, all that to say, we had joked about me and her and other co-workers that this is how it was going to happen, like we thought, hopefully in two years, that's the goal, but whatever. But we had this feeling, because I'm such a planner, which we talked about in the last episode, that I'm such a planner it will probably be a really quick turnaround and throw us for a loop, which is exactly what it did. A 360.
Speaker 1:360.
Speaker 2:It felt like a 360. So I transitioned pretty quick from being full-time.
Speaker 1:But more than full-time. You were career-oriented, so you start off as a nurse on the floor, then you climb the ladder and then you climb the ladder some more yeah. It was just interesting to see how your and my perspective changed once we had kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it wasn't just you were I don't want to say quit, but you left a job that you were called to do for a time and that was very hard for you.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, it was mixed emotions because I love who I worked with in HR as a nurse recruiter. I loved the work I did, all the projects, the goals.
Speaker 1:You're very good at project stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, project management, energizing people, encouraging them, planning events, making sure they happen as they're supposed to, advertising, marketing, you know, all that is stuff that I really enjoy and I think those are God-given gifts that I was able to use in a secular way until the Lord put this on my heart and, you know, brought me home. But I think nursing I don't know. I always thank the Lord that he led me to nursing because it was honestly nothing. I I don't think I've ever even had an experience with a nurse. I was not really a sickly kid or a family had to go to the hospital a lot, and so even what a nurse was, sadly, I didn't fully understand, um, until I was a in high school and it totally flipped my mind on that being something I'd want to do. So even with being called to be a nurse was kind of a 180. And then, because of nursing I don't know.
Speaker 2:I kind of equate nursing to the military in that there's so many avenues you can go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sort of.
Speaker 2:You know it's not the same work I just mean like there's so many different divisions yeah, divisions and niches and you know things like that that you can do specialties yeah yeah and uh, and so nursing has served our family very well yeah, in the various chapters of our life yeah, it's really wonderful being married to a nurse that's funny, um, anyway.
Speaker 2:So all that to say, you can work as a nurse as needed. You pick your at the bedside, so you pick your schedule. You work when you can and it helps fill in the holes like if people aren't vacation, if they have openings that aren't filled that would normally be worked by a full-time nurse, you help fill those in. And thankfully, I can do one shift a week most of the time and then I do essentially it's six shifts a month is what I work. So every Monday, and then two Saturdays a month is what I work, um, so every Monday, and then you know, two Saturdays a month.
Speaker 2:And so that I saw is like the Lord was providing, because where you worked were offered a position they do four day school week and you're off every Monday, and so that allowed me to work one shift a week without taking up the weekend and it was locals, within like a 30 minute drive yes, so I knew, you know even further that god was providing and that this was the path we needed to take, and I was really excited about it.
Speaker 1:Um, how long did the excitement? Last um no, but there's. I mean I don't want to get ahead of myself here.
Speaker 2:So all that to say the transition. I truly love being home and any bad day at home is better than a bad or good day at work.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:A good day at work.
Speaker 2:Well, anyway, don't ask questions, you don't want the answers to no I know yes, is that a good day at work? Well, anyway, don't ask questions, you don't want the answers to no. I understand and so and I have to tell myself that, like I really do like being home, but I don't know if that's the message I always send to my kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so this whole transition, while I love it, has not been the easiest and not that I thought it was easy, but it's definitely been a lot harder than I thought it would be and so we're sitting at that year mark, which is crazy because, honestly, I feel like it's been a lot longer good or bad, I don't know, but it's been about a year well, for me coming home it's only been a year oh yeah, because you have that 30 day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you had to give a 30-day notice and they had to hire somebody and then I trained that person and so, you know, it's kind of been so it has been a year and yeah. So the transition's been a lot harder and I've had to wrestle with maybe why? Why has it been harder? Because I'm mad it looks so easy. That's why. Well, yeah, so I do think honestly, I do think that's part of it is so. Cody was home for two years one and a half, two years, it doesn't matter, um, and you did the homeschool and kept the house and did the dinners and I honestly, as my friend said, I made a wonderful 1950s housewife I even sent the pictures of my bread that I made.
Speaker 1:He's like wow, cody, you make a great housewife.
Speaker 2:I was like shut up, you did, but you did really well. I felt like you did really well. I'm a person that one. I'm a little idealistic. I picture everything going smoothly.
Speaker 1:See, I'm the opposite. Cuddles on the couch and we're going gonna drink our coffee together and you know all the sweet things and that time will come it's all the sweet things instagram tells you, you want them now.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes and then, um, I have high expectations of myself obviously she married me super high expectations how long were you waiting to be able to say that? I don't know. Okay, I love you, and so when you did well, you kind of set the bar for me. However, edison became a toddler in that time and was not mobile. It's really easy when you can just hold him, stuff him in a chair, feed him.
Speaker 1:Put him to bed, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's easy. I didn't have that.
Speaker 1:Instead, he's throwing them in a chair Feed them.
Speaker 2:Put them to bed. Yeah, that's easy. I didn't have that. Instead, he's throwing things in an oven.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So oh, and now fridges. He likes to put things in the fridge now, which I guess is better.
Speaker 1:But I have found a shoe, I have found bra underwear yeah, clothes that's funny Toothbrush.
Speaker 2:Anyway. It's better than the other, though, so all I have to say I have wrestled with why has it been so difficult, and I think that plays a part in some, but then it's also when I look back at the job I had.
Speaker 1:I had big projects that I could accomplish check off the list Most of the time they had positive results. And I think, okay, go ahead. What, what?
Speaker 2:no, I don't want to steal your thunder, go ahead um. I had goals to be met and when I met them, I received reward um lots of accolades. This sounds very pompous, but I'm just trying to give that comparison. Well, you're not, you're not saying what you want.
Speaker 1:You're saying this is what I was used to, yes, so.
Speaker 2:Lots of accolades cards, people saying that event was really great. Pat on the back the numbers are showing you're doing excellent that kind of stuff. Like you could quantify, I guess is what I'm saying Like you could quantify the work being done, I could close my door. I had an office to myself it was cozy. I had made it cozy. You can close the door and people leave you alone.
Speaker 2:Um I could be nice, yes, so when I needed a minute or had a frustration, I could just close the door and, like process, I could go to the bathroom by myself and not have like the little fingers under the door.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like a horror movie um, I could manage my time well where I could have interruptions if I wanted to or if I didn't. I didn't. Um, I could get some personal things done, like during my lunch breaks, or I would just stay later, you know, or I could get my grocery list done and my menu plan done and pay the bills, or I could run to the store real quick during lunch and grab what I need Like I had a very flexible job that, as long as the work got done, there wasn't a whole lot of stress. And then I come home and it's mundane doing the same thing every day.
Speaker 1:Loud, so loud Chaos, doing the same thing every day. Loud, so loud chaos, mundane. I just want to buffer clarify.
Speaker 2:That doesn't mean you don't find joy in it.
Speaker 1:Monday is in there, okay, sorry, sorry, sorry I do find joy in it most days I know, but it's called mundane for a reason.
Speaker 2:Um, like, the very definition of mundane is like doing the same thing every day and spinning your wheels Like, yeah, which essentially that is being home, because there's dishes in the sink every single day, even if you do them. Thank goodness our dishwasher got fixed today.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Lord.
Speaker 1:Don't buy a Frigidaire.
Speaker 2:Two months.
Speaker 1:We bought a Frigidaire. Long story short, they've been how to send us on a wild goose chase for two months about a warranty that it's not even a third-party warranty.
Speaker 2:Don't buy frigid air, go ahead anyway. Um, I get followed to the bathroom and watched as I use the I've said apologies several times. You get no alone time.
Speaker 1:No none.
Speaker 2:Even if you try to plan it, it's basically wait until everybody's in bed, including your husband, and you just stay up too late. I love you, but I'm just saying Like you really get none. Trying to figure out when to do the menu planning and order groceries and pay the bills and getting the house clean has been trickier than I thought it would be, because I don't want my kids to see me on the phone all the time. But that's how I do all that stuff. I don't want to feel checked out.
Speaker 2:I don't feel like I can do it with them up, but then now Rosalind's not napping Anyway. So that's so hard and my time that I do have is when I eat lunch and honestly, I mean selfishly, I don't want to do it. Then I only have like 10 minutes, 20 minutes that I eat lunch and then, you know, we get to school. So all that to say, I think I mean there's more. That's made it tricky, but I think that's a lot of it that I've had to work through and process and wrestle with. And why has it been harder than I thought it would be? Also just think having four kids on a spectrum of ages where, yeah, we do have a toddler now who is very mobile very curious very curious, which fine, like we want that.
Speaker 2:And then I have, you know, rosalyn, who's four and wants to start school. So now where I had a rhythm, now it's thrown off because I have Edison, who wants to be involved and is not napping as long, rosalyn, who wants to start school and isn't napping at all, and then the boys who are starting to. I can't really school them together as much because they're starting to separate a little bit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so what I'm hearing is maybe I'm wrong that you're used to having more control over your schedule at your old job and today you somewhat have control, but even the control you had is evolving and shifting and you have to get used to a new normal of level of control, which is probably not what it was yes, and I like change, like I don't want the same thing every day, but I still like a consistent flow every day I would want to have a consistent expectation of events.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But yeah, from what I'm hearing, it's your graphs of control and that doesn't make it like a control freak, but it's just it's. It's not transitioning.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, um, but all that's to say I truly love being home, I love being able to spend time with my kids. I mean this is time I'll never get back. I think what it boils down to as well, and I mean this is a good thing. It's gonna sound bad, but I mean it as a good thing. I don't think I had as much spiritual growth at home or at work, um, because everything fairly went my way. I mean, I guess that goes back to your control thing well, no whereas at at home um, my sin is way more exposed.
Speaker 2:There's nowhere to hide.
Speaker 1:Yes, and like when you blow up on a co-worker, you think like, well, that's an adult being an idiot yeah and so I have to correct this adult so he won't, or she won't, continue to be an idiot. How do you not know this? But, like when you're dealing with a four-year-old, you can't like get on your knees and hold their sweet face, be like honey.
Speaker 2:You're being an idiot. Yeah, you can't.
Speaker 1:And then, when you do, blow up yeah you're blowing up on a kid and there's nowhere to hide.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I tend to be a pretty straightforward I've gotten better. I mean I guess I will say working in that position in HR did teach me to better filter things via email and speech.
Speaker 1:I probably need to do that, so I'm going to send you an email about this later.
Speaker 2:But it has brought out how I speak, sadly, to my children, what I seek and what I truly hold dear. I think a lot of what I struggle with and kind of well, I guess it is technically an idol. I didn't do things to get accolades. I do things because I strive for excellence.
Speaker 1:Yeah. I truly can say no, your dad refers to me that way.
Speaker 2:I don't do things to get the accolades. However, when they come it does feed. I don't want to say my joy, but it does provide comfort to know like you did a good job and that there are quantifiable goals met numbers met thing.
Speaker 1:Well, it's a way to know you're meeting expectations.
Speaker 2:Yes, and so I probably I held onto that way more than I should have and I've kind of had to let some of that go. And then in my job in HR I could rely. I mean, you could say you rely on yourself. Really, god gave me this brain. If you want to go that route, which I truly believe, he gave me the gifts that I have Of course. But I can't say, like I sat there and prayed Lord, what project is next?
Speaker 1:I don't think you ever prayed in HR to get you through the next hour. Please, dear Lord, get me through the next hour.
Speaker 2:No, no. And so that's also very different in that at home I literally, like my kids, will hear me pray out loud like Lord, I'm about to lose it. Please help me so that I do not, because my kids don't mean to see that again. What's really funny is like when I pray with rosalyn at nine.
Speaker 1:She'll say please be the daddy he does that, he he gets better at being angry, and it's just funny because that's what I talk to them about and you do too. You're very transparent again.
Speaker 2:There's nowhere to hide yes, and so, like it's a, it's a good thing in a, it's a been, it's been a sanctifying process yeah um, I'm not always the kindest when I feel like I'm being interrupted. Um, when I'm in the middle of doing something, it's hard for me to shift gears like I just want to get that thing done you're goal oriented yes, I am very goal oriented.
Speaker 2:So if, even if my goal is, I'm gonna get the dishes done and then I'm gonna make lunch, well, if somebody comes and tries to chit chat with me while I'm doing dishes, like I see that as an interruption to my goal to be met well, I always joke, but like I always I've said to you in the past, you're being a martha, I need you to be a mary.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that mary and martha with jesus story yeah and to your point, there's nothing wrong with wanting to get somebody's gotta do the dishes. Somebody's gotta change the poopy diaper yeah, somebody's gotta do it, and you're the only one here and but I too get too golden oriented and I lose the small connections with the kids that we. That's the whole point of homeschooling.
Speaker 2:Well, it's not the whole point yeah, it's a large point it is. And there are days, like by the end of it, when I know I've been so to-do list, like we got to get the to-do list done, and then by the end of it I'm like I've been home with my kids all day and I don't think I've had like a full conversation with any of them yeah, I've been there yeah, that hurts, and so there's that.
Speaker 2:And then you know you're pushed to your limits on what seems like not a big deal and I'm very much like put your big girl panties on and deal.
Speaker 2:And that goes back to that self-reliance yeah um of I can do this and I do struggle some with you know, does not? I know God cares, I know jesus cares and I know he wants to hear my voice on the simple things. Like I'm about to lose my mind, so help me in this moment. Like I know he cares about that, but to me it's hard for me not to be like well, the person down the street has stage four breast cancer and has young kids and is about to die, so like why am I praying about? I need to have a calm moment with my children when she's dying to see hers?
Speaker 1:you know, like I.
Speaker 2:I do that and so sometimes I struggle, but this has pressed me, um to rely on him more, and it's still a struggle, like I still have to work on that. I still struggle with all these. It's only been a year and I will probably continue, because it's my personality to struggle with some of this, but I think I even at work, if something goes wrong or something fails the worst, that happened well in my HR job.
Speaker 1:I say this someone dies because you're a nurse.
Speaker 2:The worst that happened is like we wasted some money. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like resources.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um it, it wasn't life or death Now, yes, my job now being back to the bedside. It can be life or death, not typically, but sometimes life or death now, yes, my job now being back to the bedside. It can be life or death, not typically, but sometimes um, there's not much. Anyway, I'll go down that route. That's a squirrel, but, um, but with home, honestly, I feel like I have more pressure because they're not going to school. So, however they turn out, I put that weight on, like I am directly responsible for can't blame somebody else yeah, no you can't be like oh, that third grader failed my kid.
Speaker 1:That's why he struggles to read. The third grade teacher yeah but no, guess what?
Speaker 2:you're the third and the fourth and the pre-k teacher yeah, and so that honestly puts more pressure on me um, which just heightens my goal-orientedness yes, and that objective into hyperdrive. So anyway, I'm just a crazy person, basically trying to figure out how not to be crazy.
Speaker 1:Well, no, because I'd like to quote the, the infamous john hymes you're talking about big things and compared to little things. Small fires still will still burn down a house yeah so what for me it's? I start snowballing, you know, you see the cartoon and the thing growing little things, little things of disrespect, little things of jobs not getting done, snowball, snowballs.
Speaker 1:And then I snap yeah because rosalyn asked me for the fourth time for pistachios, which kids are supposed to want snacks, but because there's nowhere. Because you're around your children 24-7,. The blessing and the curse is they see the real, authentic you. They see your bright moments and they see you when you fail. And what's worse than seeing you when you fail? They see how you respond to it. Sometimes that's worse.
Speaker 1:There's been plenty of times I know Caitlin has, and I've had to go into the boys' room and say listen, dad didn't handle that the best. Dad wants to pray with you all. I want to show you how to pray about your anger. When you grow up it might be a problem for you because it's a problem for me. Up it might be a problem for you because it's a problem for me. Yeah, and I'll pray and I'll say, jesus, you know I please help me with my anger. Uh, it's.
Speaker 1:And we'll talk about bible verses, about not letting anger control your life and your heart and how it comes out of your mouth is within your heart and um, I think it's good that they see the real, authentic struggles. Doesn't mean we don't try to correct them, no, but it's also beneficial. They see how you respond to the problems? Do you just let it go under the rug and don't talk about it, or do you meet him head on? You pray and like as a family, this is what. And so I don't get offended when Winston prays for my anger. Yeah, because like I pray with him for my anger, you know, and I want him to, I want to show him how to handle those things. Yeah, and it's hard and maybe.
Speaker 1:I'll figure it out one day how to handle my anger.
Speaker 2:I don't know At this point I'm 36.
Speaker 1:Anyway, Sorry, went off on a tangent. No, you're fine, what?
Speaker 2:I've had to do is kind of look at this as like a sanctifying process and kind of speak truth into the situation.
Speaker 1:That's why God's word is so important what do you mean?
Speaker 2:speak truth into the situation like scripture, I'm just.
Speaker 1:Some people might not know what you mean by that yeah.
Speaker 2:So knowing scripture or seeking out scripture, that specifically um deals with maybe what you're struggling with, what I'm struggling with, and so it's not. I mean, it's always going to be helpful. It's not always easy to live out.
Speaker 1:It's. Also, it won't be helpful if your mind is not in the place where it needs to be. Yeah, so like if you're going through something and someone walks up to you, it's like, well, you know god's the author of all things. Like, great, my house just burned down, but you know those hashtag bumper sticker you know? Like live, laugh love. Like, okay, cool, my life's falling apart.
Speaker 1:Live, laugh, love yeah but no, I you know, we think about when j was tempted in the desert with Satan. He answered with scripture, and I'd like to say that's what I do every time. But oftentimes we pray about it, we talk about it as a family and then we go to scripture, and I need to get better at responding first with scripture.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I don't it's usually Well. I mean I don't it's usually well. I mean I don't know, sometimes it's in the moment, like if it's something I've been studying it will help me.
Speaker 2:It will, but usually it's after the fact like well, I really screwed that up, because this is what scripture says. Scripture says, or um, if I can learn to just take a deep breath before I respond, I think that's a big one. It's just you know taking or uh, my kids catch me like pep talking myself, or I'll take a deep breath and I'll be like okay, okay, okay. And when somebody like mom, are you okay?
Speaker 2:or even cody's heard me do it and he's like are you? Okay, I'm. I am now because I was able to take a deep breath.
Speaker 1:So next time you're about to snap and like, do one more thing, I'll be like you did it. You got this honey, you are okay. See how that works out for you, okay.
Speaker 2:So, but some verses that come to mind. So, john 330 it says he must increase, but I must decrease. And just going into, you know, living your life, it's it's not my life, it's jesus's life, and he put me here to serve. Serve who? Who? I mean everybody, but specifically, you know, my husband, my children, and since we choose to homeschool, their education and discipleship is in my hands, and so, in order to live that out, I can't see my time as my own. I can't see any my children honestly as my own. They are children of God and he's blessed me and he has given us to them.
Speaker 1:He chose us to be their parents.
Speaker 2:Yes, which means we are equipped. He will equip us to raise them in their specific beautiful personalities.
Speaker 1:And their specific needs.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so when I can get overwhelmed with the doubt of like, what the heck am I doing that?
Speaker 1:this one's struggling? Am I even making a difference? Am I hurting them more than helping them?
Speaker 2:When I hear them screaming at each other in their room and I'm like well, they learned it from me.
Speaker 1:I promise you, I understand what you're saying.
Speaker 2:I know, but it's just like you do. You see your own sin in your children it holds a mirror to you.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes and then here I am, you know, even today. Okay, because I hear them. They've been at each other all day, so I make them write a bible verse about how we speak to each other. Meanwhile I'm oops, sorry, I hit the microphone meanwhile because I talk with my hands. I'm in rosalind's room um, I wouldn't say yelling, but I have raised my voice because she's yelling at Edison and I'm trying to break them apart. And then we're all just on edge today. I think the weather tomorrow has me a little on edge, but we're supposed to get bad tornadoes tomorrow, but anyway, the next few days.
Speaker 2:So, needless to say, just that, in order for me to live the life that Jesus has called me to live and equipped me to live, I have to put others' needs before my own and realize that none of this is mine to control, it is out of my control. But if I lean in on him and allow him to take my life, then it will be of further use than if I just took it myself. Obviously, psalms 127, which is what this whole podcast idea came from honestly and just us and children, it's one of my favorites.
Speaker 2:Psalms 127, 3-6, it says Behold children, our heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the says Behold children, our heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb. A reward. Oops, get the page Like arrows in the hand of a warrior. Are the children of one's youth, blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them. He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. So, like, our children are a blessing Because, you know, culturally speaking, I do think it's shifting a little and maybe it's just our bubble, I don't know but culturally shifting, or culturally speaking, children are not viewed as a blessing.
Speaker 2:Motherhood is not viewed, or being a home Well, I even put my category in like as a stay-at-home mom, because I do work but I am home majority of the time, so that's not often viewed as like a glorious, you know, way to use your life, the, the. Anyway, that's a whole other topic. But telling myself that my children really are a blessing, that they were given to me by God and they are a reward and it is our job as parents to raise them as warriors for Christ, for Christ, and that's a part of the reason why we chose homeschooling was because we want our kids to know a lot about the faith, about God, so that then they can defend that faith and come to know him and be discipled of which they're not going to get, you know, sending them somewhere else.
Speaker 1:Well, I agree, and sometimes it's hard to look at an eight-year-old and think I need to equip you for when you're 30. Yeah, I need to mold and shape you and prepare you for when you're when you're a parent or you're on your own and it's hard because you think, oh, I'll have time, I'll have time, I'll have time, I'll have time when they're 18. Well, we've seen people who wait until their kids are 16, 17, 18 to be a parent, and how much it just is. It's just terrible. And sometimes you think, well, am I making too big of a deal out of this or or what? But I will caution, like you were saying earlier.
Speaker 1:Um, about, like, I think you talk about motherhood being kind of down. I think it's because we vent to people who we shouldn't be venting to. Yeah, and so if I was a 20 something childless just childless, as in, not married, like I'm not at that stage of life yet, and all I heard were the negative things from moms and dads, but they don't have the perspective of the beautiful things as well. Like you, can have anger and love in your heart at the same time.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And it's rarely one emotion. So I would just, for people who are listening and for myself, be careful who you're venting to, because you don't want to cast negatively about you know stuff but I think it also goes the other way around of be careful who you're allowing to speak into you. Oh yeah, there's been times we talked I was like, hey, this person is getting in my head and I'm viewing things like they view it.
Speaker 2:Yes, because I let them convince me of things but even like social media yes and you know it's always picture perfect, and so that's kind of what I came into this with we should do the opposite.
Speaker 2:Just just posted negative stuff well, but that's probably why I want to do this, because if our kids ever choose to homeschool one day and and I hope that they do I want them to be able to look back and say like it was beautiful and I loved that time I had with my mom. However, it was not easy and that's what you're getting yourself into, which is, again, it's 100% worth it Because.
Speaker 2:I wish people would have told me, because when I sought out people who I knew homeschooled, it was all the beautiful, like it was a recruitment it's like you're being sold something. Yes, um, and I understand that because I mean recruitment's what I did for a living for, you know, six, seven years, and so I understand that to a point. But I also I I like well, I'm an idealist, but I also want real, realistic expectations I want to know hey, this is going to be difficult, but it'll be worth it so I can plan and know to expect that.
Speaker 2:But you know, some things you just have to figure out on your own and that's fine too. But these are things I wish someone would have told me. Like, just hey, when you have multiple kids, just know, like doing a toddler, it's going to be hard. Give it, give yourself some grace and give yourself some time. And even when you do figure it out, it probably will change. It won't stay like that for long. So, like, have open hands. You're gonna have to lean into the lord. Like nobody told me those things. And should I know those things? Probably, but I didn't. And I just I wish someone would have been a little more truthful instead of just painting these beautiful moments and while those do happen and I'm thankful for when they do, when we do have those good days, I'm thankful for them but I do wish someone would have been maybe a little more honest on what the normal looks like.
Speaker 1:Well, you just get this image in your mind. Like you're saying and it's not just 95% beautiful, great things, and I hate even putting a number on it. I just wish you would have had a full understanding of hey, this is going to be awesome and great and you're going to love it and you hope your grandkids will do it. You hope that this is going to be awesome and great and you're going to love it and you hope your grandkids will do it. You hope that there's going to be days you're in tears. There's going to be days where you doubt yourself, only doubt yourself, only thoughts of doubt. That's what you're saying.
Speaker 2:And here are some scriptures that I use in that time, and that's what you're getting to is.
Speaker 1:Here are things to fall, because you are going to fall into those pits A hundred percent, even if you're doing great.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So another one I like, and I've always liked this one. I just apply it a little differently now Because I'm home versus work, but it's always what I've liked. It's Galatians 6.9. Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we I have this underline do not give up. So then, as we have an opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith. Um, and so you know doing this every day. My kids are not going to come up and give me big hugs and say thank you, not now. I hope one day they will.
Speaker 1:I've met several homeschool people, kids like the drive-thru at Seven Brew. That guy doesn't know it. He made my whole like freaking weekend he's like what are you doing?
Speaker 1:oh, your kids aren't in school. And I was like no, we homeschool. He goes. Man, my family homeschooled and he's like I it was. We just thought that was normal until we got and I went to college and it is not normal. And he's like I cannot wait to homeschool my kids. I, looking back, I love it. I think it's one of those things you can't really appreciate until you get a little life perspective yeah, but I mean we're like that with our parents too.
Speaker 2:You know, we didn't fully appreciate anything. I mean, I can say that about mine I grew up in a christian home, loving parents who never divorced, um, and so I thought that was normal. And then I go to college and the more I get to know people and like in nursing you have to do a psych rotation and the more I hear people's stories and get to know friends and things and their background, I'm just like, oh my gosh, I totally took that for granted missed that one what that gift was.
Speaker 2:Um, so our kids are going to do the same. I mean, we do it to them, they're going to do the same to us, okay, uh, okay. Next one colossians 3 23 it's kind of along the same lines, but it's all about, like, your motivation for why you do things so I'm like the opposite of you I want.
Speaker 1:I want only negative attention. I don't. I get very uncomfortable with positive attention all right.
Speaker 2:It says whatever you do, work heartily is for the lord and not for man, knowing that from the lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the lord christ. So whatever we do should not be for the accolades and the attaboys and the good things. Our motivation should be this is what christ has called me to do, and that is enough what you're calling is not to serve the people you're nursing to.
Speaker 1:The calling comes from god, comes from christ, and like you're not doing it to, I mean you are serving the physical person in front of you. But if you are in the will of god, you are serving god.
Speaker 1:So whether that person's positive, negative, indifferent, you're serving christ through your actions and your words yeah the nice people who do appreciate you, and even the, the people who have a disdain towards you, even the people who hate you have no reason to hate you. They're just having a bad day. You are still serving them as you are to christ yep which is very difficult, very hard yep all right.
Speaker 2:And then the last one, which is a pretty well-known one, but deuteronomy 6, 4 through 9. It says hero israel, the lord, our god, the lord is one. You shall love the lord, your god, with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise, when you bind them. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.
Speaker 1:That always made me giggle. That you don't like. When do you not talk about it in that verse?
Speaker 1:I mean talk about it all the time, all the time, never, you never not talk about it. It's when you sleep, when you rise. But what's hard for me is like when I go to the store, and sometimes that's a reprieve for you or for me. It kills me and God knows what buttons to push with me Because I'm like I've got to go to the store. I'm going and Watson gives me these puppy dog eyes Like Daddy, please Can I come too? Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Yes, sure, get in.
Speaker 1:But I think of Votie Bauckham when his sons hit a certain age whenever he would go anywhere. Yeah, they went with. He went with them partly because he loved them and be with them, other partly. This other part was he wanted them to see how a christian man um ought to interact with the world, the positive interactions and the negative interactions, and how to handle them. But, to your point, it's when you, when you sleep on your doorpost, I guess on your unibrow, between your eyes. But so the point of that is always yeah.
Speaker 2:As you do life, you do it with your children, speaking truth and love and God's goodness into them.
Speaker 1:The good days, the good lessons, the bad lessons, the hard days, the tears, the ones that you just end abruptly and say okay, we're done. Yeah, I did that today, we'll start again later, or we'll start tomorrow from here.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:The good days. But it's not that you're not avoiding. You're not doing this in avoiding the hopes of avoiding bad days. You're showing how to navigate bad days, because no matter what we do, no matter it rains on the just and the unjust. We're gonna have bad days and so are they, and this in some way helps prepare them and shows them. Hey, today sucked. This is how we handle it as christian, as men, as women. This is how we handle it. Do better tomorrow, and just having a physical example in front of them. No one gave me that example in school.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know. But anyways, I might be going off on a tangent here, but I think that scripture goes to don't try to escape your kids, don't try to escape the horror situations, don't try to hide them from your struggles, from your kids and I'm not talking about, like alcoholism, all that stuff, yeah, but we should be modeling how a Christian handles the great days and the hard days, because if we don't give them that model, they will go look for somewhere to handle their bad days.
Speaker 2:Yep, what I'm afraid of is the model they've been given so far. Yeah, and I want to do better.
Speaker 1:Well then, more glory to God if they can see. Dad did not handle these situations the best when I was eight, but let me tell you something At 15, he's really turned it around, and glory to God that he has.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So maybe hopefully that's what they'll say. Yeah, I don't know what they're going to say about mom. Don't get me wrong, I'm not like abusive or anything. No, no, no, no no.
Speaker 2:But I do. I know that sometimes they feel like a burden.
Speaker 1:Well.
Speaker 2:And sometimes I know I make them feel that way because I have four little people coming at me all at the same time, all talking at the same time and all asking a question at the same time, with all having needs at the same time, and that's overstimulating, and so it's just that's why I go back to these and I have to take a deep breath and say my children are a blessing. This is what I prayed for. This is an answer to prayer being able to be home and homeschool my children, and this isn't a situation of you ask for it, you deal with it.
Speaker 1:No, it's, we want it. We want it tomorrow. We want it a year from now it's not well. I wish I had prayed a little harder or I wouldn't have done that. No, it's what we want.
Speaker 2:No, and I have no doubt that God called this for our family. Just doubt that God called this for our family. Just how everything has played out and continues to play out, and his provision and all those things. I have no doubt and I will never doubt that. But there are hard days.
Speaker 1:So, what do you do in those hard days? Not as what do you do for your kids, what do you do for you during those hard days, or what do you do for your kids, what do you do for you during those hard days to, or what should you do?
Speaker 2:what have you what?
Speaker 1:have you seen that helps that you wish? Hey, maybe I can do this more often well, I mean honestly, this is pitiful.
Speaker 2:A practical thing is when I go to the bathroom, I've started locking my door okay, you need, because mama needs a minute and I've told the older boys, like if I go to the bathroom for that I, that means I need a minute, and so then now they're good about like, okay, I'll, I'll handle the littles for a little while, but I but the littles usually still follow me. So I literally lock our master bedroom door and then I go to our master bathroom just to kind of have a minute, um, playing worship music.
Speaker 2:I take a shower every morning and playing worship music especially now that you know Edison's out of the closet and in his own room, has helped me and that's kind of my prayer time to kind of prep for the day. So that's helped me. But honestly I think just I mean I don't do it right every day, all day. Obviously no one does, and I have to tell myself that no one does perfect every day, all day. That's impossible. But just being able to pause before reacting and taking a deep breath, and then I mean I might literally pray out loud like Lord, help me in this Pause before reacting and taking a deep breath, and then I mean I might literally pray out loud like Lord, help me in this, and my kids will hear it, and so then that kind of lets them know.
Speaker 1:I'm reaching Mama's praying. We got to be quiet, guys. She's praying again in the kitchen.
Speaker 2:I'm reaching my limit and then shipping them outside honestly.
Speaker 1:Burn some energy.
Speaker 2:Thank lord of the spring is here and the weather is nice and they can go outside and play I think. I think the winter season was hard. It was hard being cooped up um anyway. So texting friends, honestly, that homeschool, well, I say that I only have like two, but you know saying.
Speaker 1:But they're really good to lean on.
Speaker 2:Yes, like here is my struggle. Are you struggling with this? And you know one is ahead of the season, you know a season ahead of me and her being able to say, like I had those days too. You know where I'm checking my husband.
Speaker 1:You know Life360, wondering where is he? Okay, this says he'll be here at 512.
Speaker 2:Okay, he's at the bypass. He's almost here. I can make it like. You know, light at the end of the tunnel, here's a kid Bye. You know. Getting out of the house like just going to the park for a little while, like when the weather's nice, and taking advantage of that and we may not do school those days Because I want them outside as much as possible. It does good for me, it's good for them. But a lot of it has been Trying to just take a deep breath and slow down and not respond in the moment, because that's what gets me in trouble Is I snap?
Speaker 1:Emotionally responding yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so trying to be more proactive. Okay, like we, I know the next few days is going to be rainy. Because you spent a lot of time today outside, so today they were outside pretty much all day. We only did about an hour of school.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But you know what, tomorrow and the next day and the next day we'll hit it hard and we'll have a movie day, like but you know what, tomorrow and the next day and the next day we'll hit it hard and we'll have a movie day, like you know, and that's one good thing. I mean, this isn't about homeschooling, it's about I want to be transparent, but it has not been just butterflies and rainbows.
Speaker 1:But it has been worth it.
Speaker 2:Every single second.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so for me, when I was getting frustrated I am a depressing thinker person and I have to get perspective, I have to like zoom out and I think back to when I was in tears and we would have crying prayers together for two years trying to have Winston and it seemed like everybody and their mom was getting pregnant and we struggled and we prayed and we we desired a child so badly and we were almost to have like medical intervention about having a kid.
Speaker 1:We almost went down that we went to fostering things, but uh, and then we had winston and watson, then rosalyn but it took us like almost like two and a half or maybe longer of years of actively trying, which was awesome, but, oh my gosh, no but but we were in tears, like literally crying yeah, it's like god, please, going to god and just begging god in tears, please give us a child. And then now, today, him asking for a grilled cheese. I'm like, hey, it's not that bad it's okay.
Speaker 1:So I have to in the moment. I have to think about how we pleaded to god, laid our hearts out and and and cried, and and god gave, gave us blessings, and we stood on God's promises. And here we are. And how awesome is it that I have to struggle with getting a blue cup instead of a red cup. And I know it's like. Then I giggle a little bit, then I have to get perspective of myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sometimes Same for us praying. You know the two years you were home.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like I would be in tears having to leave the house, even though you're the one home with me.
Speaker 1:You were just like I'm so ready.
Speaker 2:I'm so ready, yes, and then you know, two months in, I'm just like, oh my gosh, what is this? What am I doing? And just having to remind myself that this is what we prayed for, this is what I was called to, we were called to. He will not provide just financially, or, you know, logically.
Speaker 1:If we turn to him, he will provide for us.
Speaker 2:He will provide characteristics and patience and values, and we will learn how to handle being pushed to our limits and lean on him before it comes to that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree. So I just wanted to. We talk about these things and I know what you mean, but I just want to clarify so what does it look like daily? So that's what I wanted to clarify with you. Do you have anything else you want to clarify? What does it look like daily? So that's what I wanted to clarify with you. Do you have anything else you want to share?
Speaker 1:nope when our kids eventually listen to this. First of all, call your mom and dad and give me money. The rent is not paid yet. Second of all, we adore every day with you. I'm trying not to get emotional.
Speaker 1:Time is something I think a lot about and I couldn't imagine how much I value this time with you. I'm trying really hard not to cry. I I don't want a life where the time I had with you was the hour before I sent you off somewhere in the hour when you got back a day. And if that means not having the worst part is not having bad days, it's showing you my worst moments and not being able to hide from that. Hide that from you. That's the hardest part for me.
Speaker 1:Not, hey, I'm mad at you. You're the child I'm supposed to be mad at child, yes, but it's showing you the worst aspects of your dad and at least if you were at school, you don't need to see that. Maybe once or twice a night, you know, not at night, but like you know, at night, or one for a couple hours, yeah, but because I can't hide that from you, it brings it to my. It makes me more proactive in prayer, in trying to fix the worst cases or the worst parts of me that I have not fixed yet through christ and um.
Speaker 1:So that to me, those are the when I say I had a bad day. It's not I had a bad day, the kids are crazy. It's I had a bad day and I couldn't control the worst parts of me. And again, and saying that I want to preface no one's getting beat, no one's getting thrown through a wall, it's just I'm like crap. I just showed you the things I've been. Instead of working on my whole life, I've just been hiding. Yeah, you know, and so that's the things. I didn't realize that you couldn't hide that from your kids, and you shouldn't, but because they're around you 24-7, they're going to see the worst and the best parts of you. That's all.
Speaker 2:Yep, and for some reason we respond to our children, not just us. I really think this is every parent responds to their child how you would never respond to an adult?
Speaker 1:Oh, no, no, no, no. And if someone at the gas station? Had a tone with my kid, the way I've caught myself, we'd have a problem. Yes, Now discipline is have a problem.
Speaker 2:Yes, now discipline is good and right and true, Like that's.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm not in any way avoiding discipline.
Speaker 2:It's the exploding that I struggle with.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And the lack of patience. Excuse me.
Speaker 1:That's a whole other podcast, not the discipline out of anger Like in the moment I'm not saying don't discipline. I'm saying don't discipline in the 30 seconds that you need to calm down yeah, but anyway.
Speaker 2:so, yes, it's a joy. I will not take any of this back. Um, I love being home, I love what it has enabled me to do with our children and being able to have the conversations that we have. And I've just kind of gotten to the point. I mean, I still struggle, do not get me wrong Like it's a daily struggle, which the Bible talks about. That Like, take up the cross daily right and lean on Christ, it's a daily struggle.
Speaker 1:And we ought to lean on christ. It's a daily struggle.
Speaker 2:We ought to, but having breakfast with them and being able to talk about what does it mean to be born again. If that's all we do is have like a biblical conversation and be able to disciple them, then my goal of homeschool is met yeah, that's where I've had to take some of that pressure off, because that's a large portion of why They'll learn Pythagorean's theorem later.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but as long as they, you know, we get to wake up every morning and have a breakfast and a Bible time and you know, and we get to have these awesome conversations and answer awesome questions and it's really good and it's something we would not have time for if we did not do that like this yeah, yes, all right. Anything else? No you can do it. It'll be hard, but you can do it, yes, and you want to. You will want to do it once you start homeschooling.
Speaker 2:It's very addictive, it really is no, I just want all the things well, don't buy into the lie I shouldn't say the lie.
Speaker 1:Those beautiful moments are there, yeah, but don't buy into that's every the full picture.
Speaker 1:The full picture is not there. All right, I'm gonna say a quick prayer and then I'm gonna say we'll be dismissed. Church lord, thank you for today and I thank you for putting this on Caitlin's heart. Homeschooling in general. I I thank you that. I hate to say that the kids do get to see the worst sides of us, but I thank you for what's come out of it.
Speaker 1:I know that I've gotten to work on how to biblically live better in your will and how to pray with our kids and how to look up scriptures about the things that we are dealing with day in and day out of issues, not just if someone gets mad. Here's what you do. No, it's how do we work on ourselves? How do we pursue God's word? How do we further go into God's will when we struggle with anger or blowing up or being jealous or feeling like you're not enough or doubt or whatever it is we're dealing with that day? We get to stop, apologize if it's needed, and then we get to go into the Bible and talk about things they might not like. That they had to write verses about it for 20 times, 10 times, but they are still given the introduced into the word about how to deal with it.
Speaker 1:I want to encourage anybody who may be listening that it is hard. There are days you'll doubt yourself, will be times that you're in tears, but I'm telling you you welcomed those days. You know it's going to be hard, but it is 100 worth it and I've never talked to anybody at home schools that says, yeah, it's hard and I wish we never had done it. They say, yeah, it's hard, I love that, we're doing it. I love it. But the fact that it's hard and we still do it, she just tells you how much the parents love their kids and how much they love to be around their kids and be allowed to be able to be homeschooling.
Speaker 1:And I just love you so much, lord, and thank you for allowing us to be able to do this financially, um, our schedules and the things that you've led us to do, that we were faithful to you and we didn't really understand what we were doing earlier, 10 years ago. The decisions we made 10 years ago affect us day to day now and I just thank you that you've blessed us then, that you continue to bless us, that we can live a life according to your will, that you will continue to bless Lord and I just pray these things in Jesus' name and, according to your will, that you will continue to bless the Lord, and I just pray these things in Jesus' name, amen, amen, all right, well, hope y'all have a good day. Oh, and apparently I messed up the audio somehow in the last podcast, but I think we fixed it, so it should be good to go it better. This whole thing has been super echoey and we don't know it yet. Y'all have a good day.